Thursday, April 13, 2006

Drinkers' Fault Finding Guide

When i was passing thru a website..i found out this...

This is a guide for my Friends Anoop, Anwin, Naveen and etc..

Drinkers' Fault Finding Guide

Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution : Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault : Glass is empty.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom : Room is spinning.
Fault : Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution : Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom : Feet cold and wet.
Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom : Feet warm and wet.
Fault : Loss of self-control.
Solution : Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom : Lap cool and wet.
Fault : Drooling on yourself.
Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom : Bar blurred.
Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom : Bar moving.
Fault : You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hijacked.

Sympton : Bar looks like a circus.
Fault : You're at a circus.
Solution : Go to a bar.

Symptom : The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault : You have fallen over backwards.
Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault : You have fallen over forwards.
Solution : Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom : Everything has gone dim.
Fault : The pub is closing.
Solution : PANIC!!

4ver,
Thenraj.R

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anwin said...

yeah bugger...next time come with us for drinking...we will take care of you

Friday, April 14, 2006 5:40:00 PM  
Blogger Deaths Head Roy said...

Yeah, for sure!!!! You are one "dead, non-drinker-who-drinks-only-breezers"!!!

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 3:17:00 PM  
Blogger Zeon said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 7:42:00 PM  
Blogger Zeon said...

Hahaha... cool, possibly These drunkards you have mentioned need these lessons ;-)

Wednesday, May 03, 2006 7:43:00 PM  
Blogger Deaths Head Roy said...

Yeah, you are next after HoneyKing, Karthik, you miserable "holier-than-thou-rum,whisky,beer,vodka,arrack-drinking non-drinker!!!""

Thursday, May 04, 2006 4:22:00 PM  

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